His will be done...The journey begins

I want to start by sharing a bit of my walk with you...So you can get a sense of who I am becoming...I think I want to start about 4 years into my journey with the Lord...During the most revealing...hardest portion of valley I have ever endured, so far....I guess that is why David called it "the valley of the shadow of death" I had only been married for about 8 months and they were the worst of times and the best of times...and the worst of the worst of times...Anyway....

The worst of the worst of times... because so many people got hurt due to my lack of faith and selfishness... The worst of times because we could not and would not over come... And the best of times because I am where I am with Him today...right in the palm of His hands.

One day during one of the w-of-w-of times...I went to one of my favorite spots...This super cool little second-hand book store...One side was all christian stuff and the other side was other stuff...I basically stayed on the one side... anyway...Before I went in this one day I sat in my truck talking with Jesus...I said, " Lord you are sitting on the right hand of the Father interceding for me right now... I want my prayer to line up with yours, I want what you want for me, so please reveal to me your heart toward me so I can be on the same page...In your name with Your heart Amen!"... So inside the book store I go...I would get lost for hours in there...Some how I made my way to shhhhhhhhhh the other side...And as I walked around this big red book with bold gold letters down it 's spine caught my eye....It read "HEPBURN" Today just happened to be the day that she "Kathrine Hepburn" died.... I sat down on the floor and pulled out the big red book....First I love that era...To me women were at their most glamorous...Natural made-up beauty..(Plastic surgery wasn't super big yet) and Kathrine Hepburn was one of the beauties I admired...Not to impressed with her personal/private life...but if she wasn't famous I would not know any of that junk....Anyway...that's another blog.... Okay, so I go straight for the pictures...Those awesome glamour black and whites...I come to a page with a picture of her and Spencer Tracey...They look great and I started to read this interview with Spencer Tracey....And that is when the Lord said to me, "What I pray for you is on this page." Ya okay...As if God is going to use this "book" to speak to me...Half way down the page...I read it...And I knew it....I slammed the book shut and put it back...I practically ran out of the store....Got into my truck...Started to cry and confess " I WILL NOT PRAY THAT, NO WAY"...He said to me, " You asked me and I am answering you, Beppie this is my heart for you and my prayer"...I only fought Him for a couple of days then I joined my faith and tied my trust to Him...On that page, during an interview the reported asked Spencer Tracey, "Spencer describe Kathrine" he said...And this is Jesus prayer for me...

"She is vulnerable and able to handle it."

I knew what that meant...And when you battle rejection, abandonment and fear those are the scariest words you could ever hear...Then to accept that, that is the Lords heart for you...Well time to let go and surrender...cuz you know His will...will be done!